changes come

It has been a month of incredible growth and change. Tonight will be my last night in my apartment and home of over 3 years. I am painting, moving, letting go, watching my roommate prepare for marriage as she is about to be joined in marriage to her fiance. There will be a tragic funeral in my community tomorrow. There was another one last week. One of my friends is going to live with his parent who was paralyzed this summer. My sister is growing and finding help in good places for her struggles. My personal ministry is transitioning. I am scheduling classes for the fall. My little family community in day to day life is splitting up and the next generation is being raised up. Two friends will move away today, one to Boston and one to California. I will be going to live near my work and will not have to cross the river everyday anymore. Only 2.5 miles away, but I will need new places to jog and go to the bank and buy vegetables at the store. My heart is bursting with all the transition and trying to keep up. I will make bulletins and publish Sunday School classes today and the autumn with march on, bringing all her robes behind her, watching the winds swirl above her, she will go forward. And we will pave the way and wait for her to step into the light.

joy leaks in

Last night deep joy rushed in ... He is guiding life into a new rhythm here. I studied Greek vocab with my friend Kristin and she made Pasta Caprese with delicious, plump green beans from the garden and fresh mozzarella. Her husband Brian came home and we all talked and joked. We are getting used to using the alternate freeways. Drivers are going slowly on the roads, using their blinkers, letting each other in. Everyone's awareness seems to be heightened - not just in traffic, but in interpersonal interactions. The checkout clerk started talking to me the other day, strangers on the street are looking each other in the eye. It is amazing how some moments are more clear and alert than others... as if the scales have been taken off our our eyes...

He is the same

Let this be recorded for a generation to come,
so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord:
that he looked down from his holy height;
from heaven the Lord looked at the earth,
to hear the groans of the prisoners,
to set free those who were doomed to die,
that they may declare in Zion the name of the Lord,
and in Jerusalem his praise,
when peoples gather together,
and kingdoms, to worship the Lord.

He has broken my strength in midcourse;
he has shortened my days.
“O my God,” I say, “take me not away
in the midst of my days—
you whose years endure
throughout all generations!”

Of old you laid the foundation of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
They will perish, but you will remain;
they will all wear out like a garment.
You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away,
but you are the same, and your years have no end.

Psalm 102:18-27

He does all thing well

This is an excerpt from the article, "Why I Do Not Say, 'God Did Not Cause the Calamity, but He Can Use It for Good'" by John Piper

• "How God governs all events in the universe without sinning, and without removing responsibility from man, and with compassionate outcomes is mysterious indeed! But that is what the Bible teaches. God "works all things after the counsel of his will" (Ephesians 1:11).
  
  This "all things" includes the fall of sparrows (Matthew 10:29),
  the rolling of dice (Proverbs 16:33),
  the slaughter of his people (Psalm 44:11),
  the decisions of kings (Proverbs 21:1),
  the failing of sight (Exodus 4:11),
  the sickness of children (2 Samuel 12:15),
  the loss and gain of money (1 Samuel 2:7),
  the suffering of saints (1 Peter 4:19),
  the completion of travel plans (James 4:15),
  the persecution of Christians (Hebrews 12:4-7),
  the repentance of souls (2 Timothy 2:25),
  the gift of faith (Philippians 1:29),
  the pursuit of holiness (Philippians 3:12-13),
  the growth of believers (Hebrews 6:3),
  the giving of life and the taking in death (1 Samuel 2:6),
  and the crucifixion of his Son (Acts 4:27-28).
  
  From the smallest thing to the greatest thing, good and evil, happy and sad, pagan and Christian, pain and pleasure - God governs them all for his wise and just and good purposes (Isaiah 46:10). Lest we miss the point, the Bible speaks most clearly to this in the most painful situations. Amos asks, in time of disaster, "If a calamity occurs in a city has not the LORD done it?" (Amos 3:6). After losing all ten of his children in the collapse of his son's house, Job says, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21). After being covered with boils he says, "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" (Job 2:10)."

seeing with my own eyes

franklin & 94

Earlier this summer I spent a long walk by the river taking photos of my neighborhood. Here are two of the bridge photos of places that I cross the river everyday. The first is Franklin, a neighborhood 4 lane bridge with a pedestrian sidewalk; it is a great bridge for running, taking photos, looking out over the river. The second is 94, which I take in the morning to work and often to anywhere else, downtown, etc. Then below is a photo that someone else took and submitted to the news of what the 35W bridge looked like. Different structure, as you can see.

walk & gawk

Lots of people are lining the neighborhood streets near the collapse. People of all ethnicities and speaking many languages are walking the streets with their small children and cameras and dogs, hoping for a glimpse. Police lines make it difficult to get close. Out of honor for the victims and the recovery work, and general order in the city, this is reasonable. I think some people just want to see the bridge down. Everyone knows there are better views at home on the evening news. But it's not the same as being there - its like paying respects at a funeral - walking by the open casket to take one last look.

I walked over the intersection by Bobby & Steve's on the overpass where the entrance ramps are. The strange thing is that there is a gargantuan billboard advertising the new Water Park across from The Mall. It seems out of place as people wander the streets and officials guard ramps, where honey buckets have been set up for recovery workers. Highways or even some back roads that were formerly 35W's little sisters are now major thoroughfares, stepping up to fill the responsibilities in her absence. They are bursting at the seams, traffic is bottlenecking all over at the critical points of rush hour. Search lights line the streets, brought in to help guide workers and efforts. Families of those people waiting to get the bodies of their loved ones are waiting in the ballroom of this hotel.

a day in photos

Strongly recommend visiting desiring God today, and reading what they have posted, or viewing civilian photos from the collapse. I'm posting some photos from my day. I did a massive bulk mailing and had an hour in traffic on the way to the postal center to process and pray and listen.

psalm 46

This psalm was a great encouragement to me when I was in Central America after a massive hurricane in 1999 and it is a word of hope today still, as we stand on the Rock and ask for mercy. God be with us.


God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

with his pinions

"He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday." Psalm 91:4-6

This is my verse of the week. And today, I found out what pinions are. He gave me refuge and spared me. Would I have left work but 5 minutes later, or hit some red light downtown, I might not have driven across the bridge at 6:00pm like I did safely, but at 6:05pm when it fell. He had mercy on me, a sinner. And for some reason not a hair of my head has been harmed, though I deserve much worse. My heart goes out in deep grief for those who are suffering and experiencing loss in this situation. Life is a vapor, and we are feeling it all the more here today. I am shaking.

I just thought about this poem all the (long) way home, I don't know why, I haven't read it for about 8 years...

"As the Ruins Fall"

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love—a scholar’s parrot may talk Greek—
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

~C.S.Lewis, Poems, “As the Ruin Falls” (Published 1964), pp. 109-110.