a corner of the cosmic canvas

Growing

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 19 May 2009 03:03:00 +0000

My roommate's seeds are sprouting in the pantry window.
The care and friendship of my dear ESL students, Tammy and Lesley.
I gave glory to God for my able-body and walked to work.
My heart found rest in prayer and the Word this morning.
I was not swallowed up as I deserved.

the race set before us

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 04 May 2009 05:13:00 +0000

I am on a brief visit to my hometown and crying out to God in praise and thanks for his design:

Thank you for God-given endurance for my first race in 12 years.
You have proven to me today that the goal of unity is more satisfying than a personal record.
I love that you made the perishable wreath to point to an imperishable one, and the things on earth as a shadow of what is to come.
Praise you that you care about the issues of my heart, even when I don't know how to talk with family about them.
I am safe and free with the sweet friends in the Lord who care for my soul.

little victories

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 06:07:00 +0000

Ever thankful this past week for Holy Week devotions and hymns of sorrow and praise, for house shows and lonely songs, for moments to look and breathe and see the Lamb of God.

that the Holy Spirit is faithfully committed to my sanctification
for Thayne who helped me fix my tax problems in the 11th hour
that the Lord is protecting me
for sunshine and salad
for a friend who helped me remember that conflict is a good thing

glorious gospel

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:35:00 +0000

A long weary day of seeing the gospel go out and being a part of it.

slides from a trip of one of my pastors recently took to Asia
introducing two people I know to each other at the Info Booth
Nong Shim Shin Ramyun
the bridge diagram on a scrap of paper for a Taiwanese friend
seeing Jesus touch lepers and forgive sins and heal diseases and die for me

carried along

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 03:05:00 +0000

Thank you Jesus.

Melissa and Mike ministered to me, carried me along, and fought for me.
Lilia licked the frosting off of four Thomas the Train cupcakes while we weren't looking.
I ran 5 miles ... my goal for the day and the farthest I've run in years.
My roommate Lydia made two meals for me. This lifted my spirit.
"As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life" (John 3:14-15). Amen, let me look to you and believe.

5 more

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 04:36:00 +0000

Working on getting into a rhythm, so I can start looking for these things. Thank You ...

I had work to do today I cared about
the McAlpines home as a haven for lunch
The promise of Isaiah 42:3, "a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
he will faithfully bring forth justice."
that I quickly moved from feeling low to visiting with friends
memories of reading a good book

5 things

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:42:00 +0000

An experiment in gratitude: 5 things of the day

I ate breakfast
the sun was shining as I walked into work on time
someone I respect affirmed me
my friend Jessica brought me a sandwich for lunch
I listened to "What Wondrous Love Is This" while driving on 35W

investigations conclude

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:53:00 +0000

Reports revealed that multiple parties were at fault in oversight of how much the old 35W bridge could carry.

"Investigators found that the bridge designers apparently did not calculate how much load the half-inch gusset plates could carry. The original designers of the bridge ... certified the design and handed it to MnDOT without ever determining how much weight the gusset plates could withhold. Then, MnDOT examined the designs, but not in detail. The problem slipped into the background until August 1, 2007." Read more.

uphill

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:33:00 +0000

by Christina Rosetti

Does the road wind uphill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day's journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

But is there for the night a resting place?
A roof for when the slow dark hours begin.
May not the darkness hide it from my face?
You cannot miss that inn.

Shall I meet other wayfarers at night?
Those who have gone before.
Then must I knock, or call when just in sight?
They will not keep you standing at that door.

Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labor you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.

rock of ages, cleft for me

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:28:00 +0000

by Augustus M. Toplady & Thomas Hastings

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

the shepherd

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:37:00 +0000

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. Christ has given me his very self as the great gift of the gospel, and he will never leave or forsake me. In light of this, why do I fear? We are founded on a God who is more certain than the dawn. Last night my small group sat together talking about stepping into the unknown, not knowing if family or financial security or children or marriage or other things would be there. What do we have to stand on, Lord God, besides you? Who is there in heaven in any corner of the earth besides you? On stepping out into the unknown today, by crossing the street, by going to my desk, by opening my mouth, and each member of my small group to his or her post, let us consider these verses and the power of His promises. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, dear shepherd. (This will not happen unless you root me deep in these truths) ...

darwin's warning

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 21:46:00 +0000

One of my fears is that I will become like Darwin in his later years when he wrote,

He said that he lost all higher tastes for true beauty and the loss of these tastes were the loss of his happiness.

Wanting to heed this warning, I want to run the other way, to good literature and good music, as Clyde Kilby suggests. If I were you, Darwin, I don't think I would have spent five years on the boat studying and grinding out facts. I might have decided to swim to shore and read Shakespeare and watch sunsets instead. Or would I have?

special days

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:54:00 +0000

I awoke to the new sound of traffic on the stretch of 35W by my house. There was a new bridge, smooth as my tires slid across at 7:30am. On the other side, there was a latte steamed to perfection. Time and energy to read Hebrews 10 and Luke 23-24. There was a Savior who died once for all and rose again. There was a man who had to see the empty tomb with his own eyes. There was sunlight across my page with the first crisp of Fall and last warmth of summer. There were bulletins, and child dedication names, phone calls, and e-mail newsletter settings. There was lunch at 4:00pm, and gasps at the clock. There was a wedding shower for the coworker that everyone loves. There were encouragements from friends and a long drive home. There were more hours of work, updating of Web site pages, documents, and there was lots of thought. There was the descent of the stairs, late at night after the students had left the resource room. There was my car under the street light. There was a bouquet of plants from the woods, wrapped in scotch tape, on my porch. There was the smell of manzanita and California and the sorting of clean laundry. There was a bed to climb into at the end of a special day.

can't sleep

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:11:00 +0000

It's Fall, a new semester begins, new activities, new friends, new hopes. I cannot sleep, much like the Harry. Does anyone else love Teeny Little Super Guy?

chinese canoeing

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 05:24:00 +0000

Some days I am more mindful that this world is fleeting, life is a great gift from the Creator, and America is not the center of the world. Today was one of those days. My heart is growing for the homeland.

today's numbers

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:27:00 +0000

370: number of days since the bridge collapsed.
89: the age of Alexander Solzenitsyn who died yesterday.
62: the age that my dear coworker Brad reached today.
45: days until the new bridge is completed, at the earliest.
35: years that my happy pastor has been married to his wife.
20: days until my dad and his friend come to visit me.
16: days before the state fair opens with butter sculptures.
13: hours of time difference between here and Beijing.
11: people coming over for dinner on Wednesday.
4: police cars outside my work this morning.
3: saints I prayed with for friends far away.
2: number of windows broken by thieves.
1: Savior keeping me in perfect peace.

his banner over me

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 05:51:00 +0000

Today under the overcast sky I remembered that God loves me.

today

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:02:00 +0000

I woke up and bathed. Then I drove to my favorite bakery and drank a latte while I went over Psalm 96. I ate a scone that was better than any earthly food should be. I bought a ginger beer and a sandwich for lunch and I drove to work. I opened gifts from friends all day, some were words, and some were beautiful flowers.

At a meeting, I ate a cupcake with my friend from the Dominican Republic. We sang with the ranks of other saints among us and heard about God's move in other parts of the country and world. Afterwards, I had another meeting, where we talked to a rep on the phone and made some big group decisions. Then we had the post-meeting meeting, and agonized about some of the decisions. And then I prayed with a man who will have back surgery tomorrow. We rested our cares in the hands of our Savior who does all things well.

I drove a few blocks to meet with a nice couple who served me pizza and helped me and others plan some ministry in our neighborhood. We sorted through some construction paper and folders and markers and got our bearings. Then we asked God to help us and lead us and change hearts. I walked out on the street and saw Somali men shopping and talking. I drove past some fire engines and police men on the way to my house.

Upon returning home, I sat down with my roommates, and we turned on a new fan. We laughed a little. I went out with my neighbor to visit a friend. We heard stories about crime sightings and life in the city. We drank cool water and sat on the concrete steps and talked about the future. I came home and sat down with my other roommates. Some tears, some hopes, and some jokes.

I went to my room and described some of my feelings over e-mail. At this mark I remember the One who made the day and I gave him a small package full of the glory due his name. It is wrapped up, on my desk, to be opened today.

vacation vocab

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:42:00 +0000

I just returned from a week of vacation where I enjoyed renewed or new familiarity with the following words:

Walla Walla - a town where good friends just got married. My previous visit there was 6 years ago, leading a mission trip
Wandermere - an area north of Spokane where we used to drink coffee with our professors and friends, and where I now drive through to get to my friends houses
Gobbledigook - a new song by Sigur Ros
Issaquah - an area outside Seattle that you pass through after the desert and before getting into the city
Sammamish - an area in the mountains that is lush and green and high in elevation
Creme Fraiche - a cream that looks like whipped cream but tastes more like sour cream, perfect with fresh fruit on pancakes late at night with old friends
Ristretto - an espresso shot that is pulled just before the most bitter part would have gone in
Encaustic - a painting technique with wax that makes water look like real water and walls in homes look magical

There were other things that came out of this time, which I will write about later. For now, enjoy some photos.

typographer's candy store

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 04:10:00 +0000

Tell tale signs that I am obsessed with typography:

My friend Kari sends me wonderful sites like Wordle and Spell with Flickr ... my kind of eye candy. I could play for hours making beautiful word clouds and letter combinations, testing favorite song lyrics and Bible passages.
Everytime I walk down the street I look for Helvetica font on signage. Sometimes I call it outloud when I see it which my friends seem to love.
Yesterday I received a support letter in the mail. My friend who sent it apologized for using Times New Roman.
I edit text and change fonts in my mind when I am not at work.
When I sing worship songs at church I am constantly seeing the lyrics in different fonts and colors in my mind.

shepherd dog

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:46:00 +0000

I have heard this band play on four different occasions since the war with Iraq started and each time I am met by their ability to bring me back to something personal, important, and revitalizing, a peace that feels like home. Thank you for another great show. If only all the summer could be as this night, cool summer breezes, song after amazing song.

overheard convo at REI

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:25:00 +0000

I was at REI on father's day, and I overheard the following conversation:
young daughter: "Dad, when are you gonna let me have an army knife?"
father: "Why do you want one, honey?"
young daughter: "I dunno... but when are you gonna let me, Daddy!?!"

summer meg-i-zeene

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:09:00 +0000

I ran around one of the lakes on Saturday, which was a welcome break in the middle of working on the 2nd annual edition of the summer magazine ... it is being printed now and will be passed out this weekend at worship services.

Summer Maaaaaaaagazine. Summer Megizeeeeeeeene. Oh, I am so glad to be done. While I love design even more through these past weeks, and encountered much support and help along the way, I am really exhausted and thinking I should not have stayed all night at church last Tuesday working on it. Who knows why I am wired to be most productive in the middle of the night. It is a great thing that every design job must come to an end.

Today I washed clothes and went to the grocery store and cooked real food and tried to remember what planet I am living on. Life begins again. Summer is here.

More days looking out at scenes like this are coming soon, I hope. Lord, you are good. Thank you for sustaining me. I pray the people will read and give you glory and enjoy you all summer as they gather together and get involved and depend on you for grace and faithfulness.

happy birthday bro

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 27 May 2008 05:52:00 +0000

Hey you, Jason. Happy Birthday! Hope it was a good one. I look up to you (not just height-wise, as this photo makes obvious) but in many ways that I shared with you about on Friday and in my letter. Thank you for helping me to grow this past year! Can't wait to see you in a month.

i am okay

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 22 May 2008 04:33:00 +0000

When someone asks me how I'm doing and I say "I am okay," it is interesting to see what their response is. Some people say, "Well, that's not very convincing." Is that another way of saying, "You sound terrible!" or "I don't believe that you are okay"?

When I say "I am okay" it means "I am not feeling great, but not crushed" or "I could be better but I could be worse." The goal is not to just be okay. The goal is happiness. There may be something in the way of my happiness for whatever reason, but I am not in despair. My head is above water and I have dependence on some promise of God. I am okay. When I am sad I will say that I am okay because I am not my best, but I also might not have time or appropriate space to talk about why I am not feeling great.

There might not be a best or formulaic response to "i am okay." It depends on the context and the person and their temprement. I have a melancholy bent. So "okay" could be considered a positive thing for me. Where for another person, "okay" could be the depths of despair.

When I moved here, a lot of people at my church would say "better than I deserve" when asked how they were. Well, that has taken some time for me to process. I am glad that no one around me is bearing the wrath of their sin now in this life. That is good to be thankful for. But um, alright, back to my first question, "how are you doing?"

My friend Stacy always replies with the most unexpected answers. When people ask her how she is, instead of saying "good", the socially acceptable thing to say, she says "happy!" which makes the person who asked wonder, "am I happy too?"

Today someone asked how I was. I could have said "good." But all things considered I was trying to be honest, in a word. I said "I am okay." They said, "just okay?" then I had a little space to talk... it was nice. I want to give other people that space. And to believe what they say.